I’m still here

Following all you lovely gals. Happily most of you are pregnant and whilst this is clearly the goal…I’m no longer sure how I feel about my Blogging relationships. For the longest while it was an enormous relief to find a bunch of women in the same situation as I was in. I had felt so alone and so alienated that it was amazing to find a community of like minded women. And then time passed and most of those women are expecting or have babies and we’re…

We have chosen the egg donor route and in fact, we kick off in 3 weeks… I could be pregnant in a months time (gasp)!. And yet I feel so incredibly disconnected from the experience, and from my old blogging community…  I don’t actually know how to feel or where to situate myself. It’s all somewhat bizarre.

The strangest thing is that this is ok for me. Strange because I am usually so analytical and intense about absolutely. Everything. But after all these years, drugs, tests, weight gain, pregnancy loss….  I can’t hope too much and I have to maintain a certain distance from this. And that is fine. Not great, but fine. I will let you know how things go!