An update

Hi blog friends. I know I have been very quiet of late. It’s something I’ve been aware of but I haven’t felt like writing and I’m not really sure why. Everytime I turn my head towards writing a blog post I feel deflated and can’t seem to find the words. Even more strangely this writers block is not due to being in a bad place emotionally or otherwise, in fact, I have been in a good place. Perhaps this has something to do with it…a desire to not over-analyse, to just ‘be’? 

So we are expecting a daughter! We found out at our 16 week scan and the image was really clear so we were confident that she is indeed a girl. I couldn’t be happier, which is weird as I’d probably be just as happy with a boy. Knowing her gender has made it more real though and allows for more specific fantasizing, which I’ve been loving. 

We had our full anatomy scan today at 25w3d. Our last scan was at 21 weeks and so I knew that there were no major or obvious issues with baby girl and so today for the first time I was more excited than nervous about having a scan. She is growing perfectly and her anatomy is 100% normal. How absolutely miraculous and wonderful. I couldn’t be more grateful. 

I’ve also been feeling her move a lot in the last day or two which has been really awesome. I love every kick and every roll. I have an anterior placenta which has meant that I’ve had to be quite patient with regards to feeling movement… more waiting, who would have guessed, lol??!!! My husband still hasn’t been able to feel her move but that should happen any day now. 

Today we booked our hospital bed, set our caesar date and paid our hospital deposit… it seems like this is seriously happening folks! Baby girl will hopefully make her entrance on 2 August at 5am! She will share a birthday with my late grandfather who I adored, so that’s really special. Next week I will go and have a routine glucose test… fingers crossed that all the easter eggs I ate will not come back to bite me!

We have begun getting ourselves ready. We’ve painted the nursery, cleared out some closets and bought a pram and a car seat. My sister in law gave us her old cot and compactum and so I am busy painting them… slowly I must say as I do a bit each day. I no longer feel too terrified to do these things and in fact  have been really enjoying these acts of preparation. 

Apart from heartburn in the last week or so I have felt really well physically… no aches and pains, no headaches, no weird food cravings. My mood has been generally relaxed and happy and the crippling anxiety of the first trimester has definitely faded. I never expected to have an easy pregnancy! I kind of assumed that since I was so crappie at falling pregnant and then staying pregnant, that I would also be really crappie at being pregnant. So to feel well is actually a big, happy surprise… long may it last! 

Do I think about the fact that my little girl is here due to donor eggs… for sure, occasionally. For example today at the anatomy scan we were told that she is quite tall, which was a suprise because I’m not tall and neither is my husband and so I never expected a tall child. The donor must have tall genes somewhere in her family as she herself is about my height. Does this bother me? Nope. When I try to picture what baby girl will look like and what she will be like, its really hard… harder because she doesn’t share my genetics and because we don’t know what our donor is like as an adult? Maybe, probably….I wouldn’t know. But I’m not sad about this. She has the freedom to pop out and be uniquely and simply, herself. Does she feel any less mine? Not a chance.