My reader at the moment

Is full of pregnant people! Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for you guys. I’ve witnessed your pain and suffering and am thrilled that it is over for you… You are 100% deserving. And it brings me comfort in some ways that some of us move through this infertility space and come out the other side… It gives me hope. BUT… I might as well open facebook. I may have to start unfollowing a few people… Please don’t take it personally!

I haven’t dropped off the face of the earth!

Hello fellow bloggers, it’s been a while. When I last wrote I had just had a DNC after the loss of our pregnancy. Physically the recovery was very easy, but emotionally we’ve had a really hard time. I don’t even feel like going into details (although I might flesh things out a bit at a later stage), but suffice to say it has involved some seriously depressed and anxious feelings and a lot of marital conflict. Thrown into the mix a few other things including (but not limited to), my mother in law falling ill and having surgery, our garden flooding and our pool damaged due to a burst water pipe, some food poisoning and bouts of flu. Fun times. Also thrown into the mix THANKFULLY, has been quality time spent with family and friends and some time at the sea and in the mountains.

During all this time I have been following you guys daily and have made one or two comments but have largely felt kind of mute. There has been a fair amount of great news in blogging land recently… Congrats to all the ladies with positive results and healthy pregnancies and deliveries. I can’t deny that this stabs me in the heart and I always feel a moment of pain and envy, but am happy for you guys nevertheless (we all know the ambivalence I’m talking about)!

So that about catches you up on the events since last year. As for 2015, we will be going down a different road. 2013 was the year of confusion and IUI’s as we navigated tests and diagnosis. 2014 was the year of IVF and heart break as we faced cancelled cycles and a miscarriage. 2015 will be the year of egg donation and hopefully (everything crossed), the year of baby or babies. I’m writing on my phone and the battery is about to die so I will not write more now. I will write soon to share with you how we reached this decision. In the meantime, I would love to hear from anyone who has experienced donor egg pregnancies and parenting…. Anything you have to share about your experience would be amazing!!