I think we’re out…written 23 November.

As I said I would yesterday, I tested again this morning using first urine. There is a line but it’s super faint… more faint than yesterday. 

I know it’s early at only 8dp5dt but I think we’re out. I will now try to wait until Saturday to test again. What I want more than anything is black  or white… a clear negative or a clear positive. I don’t know if my soul can handle the trauma of slow rising betas, concerns around ectopic and Morula pregnancies.

How  do I feel? Today, I feel somewhat relieved. I’m not sure this will sustain and it’s very possible that the relief is just a way of defending against complete despair…who knows? Only time will tell. I am determined not to let this swallow me up and drown me though.  I’m beyond tired of being depressed and hopeless and of my life revolving around infertility. It’s time to stop.