My husband is hurting

For the first time in 3 years my husband broke down. We had gone to lunch with an old friend of mine who is younger than me and lives overseas.
We hadn’t seen her since her wedding three years ago (where I didn’t drink as we had just had an IUI and we were still hopeful we would be pregnant). She is now 26 weeks pregnant and just the loveliest vision of a beautifully fecund lady. I enjoyed our visit but they left before we did and I was aware of a sigh of relief at having endured something difficult. All of a sudden a well of emotion opened up in front of us and we were swept into it rather unawares… Anger and frustration with eachother without knowing why. A latent sadness and disappointment at our own situation. So many confused feelings. My husband turned on me in anger. Unjustified, unfair, unreasonable but raw. Ending in tears and apologies…’I didn’t mean to be angry, he said, it just hurts so much’.
I get it, I feel the same.

We have to call it one day. To make a decision that will end this phase of our lives. We can’t live like this forever. One day we need to awaken to a new reality where life feels different. We have no idea where to start, what this means or how it will evolve. Time will tell.

5 thoughts on “My husband is hurting

  1. been through it. felt it. can understand you both fully .

    I hope you guys have your bundle of joy soon and then all these feelings of sadness and anger will be well forgotten 😘 in the meantime , tc of urself and ur husband . a woman is much stronger than a man when it comes to crap like this

    Like

    • Thank you for commenting. It’s sucks so much. I don’t know if women are stronger but I do know my husband has felt he had to be strong for me and so hasn’t opened up about how he is feeling… Which is hard. Also I think other people support me as I am the one physically going through it, bit sometimes forget that he is suffering too.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I’m sorry for you both. I get the feelings of anger and frustration too. I read an article once saying that going through infertility is a form of traumatic stress and it’s normally to experience all kinds of emotions from anger to depression to guilt etc etc. It’s so hard.

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  3. No you can’t go on forever in this state. The time to stop is when you know you need to save yourself; when you know the sacrifices are becoming too great; when you know you will sit on the verandah as an old couple one day, and be able to look at one another with no resentment and no guilt, knowing you gave it your all. Strength.

    Liked by 2 people

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