So I’m at home today, taking a self imposed ‘mental health day’. I’ve been doing really well recently but yesterday and today have been a bit grim and I decided not to stuff it all inside and pretend I’m fine when I’m not. Instead, I cancelled work and have hired myself three movies and am snuggled on the couch with my two furbabies… Bliss.
Why the sudden decline? Bloody mothers day I think. In my opinion, mothers are the luckiest people just by virtue of the fact that they have their babies. Simple. I know that it’s complex. I know motherhood is hard work blah blah blah. I celebrate my own mother, I am truly grateful to her every single day. I love watching my sister and my friends turn into wonderful nurturing, mindful mothers. It’s great. But I think they’re all fucking lucky. And then they get a whole bloody day on top of that. And what do I get? Nada, zilch, niente…. Nothing. Not even a rose from the stupid restaurant we went to, because of course, I’m not a bloody mother. This despite being pregnant twice and spending more time, money, effort and emotion in the quest for a baby than any other person I know in real life.
So I’m feeling sorry for myself and I’m not even pretending that I’m not. No happy smile pasted on my face for me today… That wore thin on Sunday and has left me feeling irritable and exhausted. For today I will wallow and trust that tomorrow will shine brighter again.
Ps. I do have an amazing family and several wonderful people did acknowledge how I must be feeling on mothers day… This did ease the day somewhat and probably went a long way towards preventing me from making a scene in the restaurant over lack of said rose.