The double whammy that is Mother Day

So I’m at home today, taking a self imposed ‘mental health day’. I’ve been doing really well recently but yesterday and today have been a bit grim and I decided not to stuff it all inside and pretend I’m fine when I’m not. Instead, I cancelled work and have hired myself three movies and am snuggled on the couch with my two furbabies… Bliss.

Why the sudden decline? Bloody mothers day I think. In my opinion, mothers are the luckiest people just by virtue of the fact that they have their babies. Simple. I know that it’s complex. I know motherhood is hard work blah blah blah. I celebrate my own mother, I am truly grateful to her every single day. I love watching my sister and my friends turn into wonderful nurturing, mindful mothers. It’s great. But I think they’re all fucking lucky. And then they get a whole bloody day on top of that. And what do I get? Nada, zilch, niente…. Nothing. Not even a rose from the stupid restaurant we went to, because of course, I’m not a bloody mother. This despite being pregnant twice and spending more time, money, effort and emotion in the quest for a baby than any other person I know in real life.

So I’m feeling sorry for myself and I’m not even pretending that I’m not. No happy smile pasted on my face for me today… That wore thin on Sunday and has left me feeling irritable and exhausted. For today I will wallow and trust that tomorrow will shine brighter again.

Ps. I do have an amazing family and several wonderful people did acknowledge how I must be feeling on mothers day… This did ease the day somewhat and probably went a long way towards preventing  me from making a scene in the restaurant over lack of said rose.

6 thoughts on “The double whammy that is Mother Day

  1. This was exactly me on Sunday. I hid in bed with my dog most of the day. I feel the same way. I think more than anything we just need our losses and our effort to have a child acknowledged in some way. I didn’t even get that on Sunday and it really hurt. I hope your week is getting better.

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    • Totally. I was fortunate to get it from my mother, sister and cousin ….but they live far away and I spent lunch in a restaurant with my in laws, the only one without a child and no one said a word. It was dreadful and I’ve made it clear to my husband that I will not be doing it next year if we are still in the same position.

      Liked by 1 person

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