Breaking the silence… Hello again!

Hey guys! I realise that it’s been a while… To be exact, it’s been almost the whole term of my would-be pregnancy as my due date came and went this past Monday. Can you believe that!

I’m really not sure why I haven’t written. I didn’t intentionally set out to have a break from blogging, but I have felt strangely mute, with nothing new to say. I’m still waiting, still childless… not much has changed in that respect!

Having said that, it actually astounds me how much CAN change in a reasonably short period of time, and many bloggers who I follow have finally had some happy endings. A wonderful example of this is My Perfect Breakdown, who has finally taken her precious son home… What a glorious moment. And at the same time some people are still very much in the trenches. Isabelle from In Quest of a Binkymoongee (who, FYI, was the first blogger I ever stumbled across and I cannot express the relief I felt at realising that there were other people out there who were going through similar experiences as me), has just had a second failed donor egg cycle and I am heartbroken for her.

So, as you can see, I have been reading and even commenting at times, but just haven’t felt like contributing much in terms of writing. So, where are we right now in this whole infertility saga?

Well, after my last miscarriage I went through a really rough time. Our marriage took some strain as we have very different views on adoption (I want to, he doesn’t). Its very complex and food for another post, but we had a lot to work through towards the end of last year. I finally agreed that with 16 donor eggs and one embryo in the bank, we weren’t quite at the end of the road in terms of pregnancy BUT that I needed to go into it feeling different. I didn’t really know what different meant at the time but as time has passed I have realised that I needed to feel more confidence in my own body. Having lost a perfectly healthy pregnancy, I was seriously fed up with my body and had very little faith in it it’s capacity to nurture a pregnancy to full term. So, I have been doing a few things differently. Firstly, I am seeing a naturopath in order to get my cycles back to something resembling normal. I’m also in the process of some dna testing relating to immune stuff. And my husband and I have a new plan for our next transfer… Which, in the words of our lovely doctor, are to throw the book at the cycle and hope for the best. This will include an immune protocol despite no immune issues popping up in some basic testing we did last year.

In terms of time frames, I’m going to continue taking a fistful of natural medicine until my blood tests come back more normal and my energy levels etc improve. This will probably take another couple of months… So perhaps by about April/ May we might be ready again. Strangely, time does not seem as urgent as it once did.

In the meantime, I turned my energies to some other things… Gardening, which has been so rewarding, doing some improvements around the house, adult colouring, and a nice holiday with my husband. I am currently spending some time and money applying for my Italian citizenship through marriage… Just in case our lovely president messes things up even further and we have to find a better quality of life elsewhere.

That’s me in a nutshell. I’ll go into more depth on some of the above subjects at a later time.

Love to all and especially to those, like me, still waiting.

3 thoughts on “Breaking the silence… Hello again!

  1. I was so excited to see you appear in my reader that i had to find 2 minutes to stop by, read and comment. 🙂
    I’m glad you are enjoying life and working to feel healthy and gain confidence in your body again.
    Just as a little side note, Mr. MPB and I also were not on the same page about our next steps at one point too. We didn’t know which direction to go – adoption/trying again/surrogacy/gestational carrier/no kids. The best advice I was ever given was to save space for different thoughts and give yourselves time to work through your independent thoughts and your thoughts as a couple. For us, that’s what worked. Eventually, one day we both just seemed to know adoption was right for us. (I’m not trying to advocate adoption, just using us as an example of taking time to get on the same page).
    Anyways, as always, sending you so much love and hope!! 🙂


    • Thanks for taking the time to comment especially as you must be so consumed with the new little man in your life! Thanks for sharing your experience… I am feeling much calmer than I was… I think my grief was making me feel desperate and I just wanted to know that there would be an end. I’ve come to trust that we will find our way forward together and that we will evolve towards whatever the future holds (except childlessness, I’m still firm that, that is not an option for me). Enjoy the first days of motherhood… I can’t wait to hear all about it.


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