Last night I dreamt that I was found guilty of murder and given a life sentence. The legal system was deeply flawed and the whole court case was a complete joke. I knew that I was innocent but as much as I tried to prove myself and to argue my case, it didn’t help and I was jailed. In jail I raged. I cried and screamed and grieved. I said I would rather die than live out my days stuck in this prison. Eventually I decided to escape. My husband and I fled to Italy and sought refuge there. It was wonderful. The liberation was intoxicating and we spent hours on a gondola with the wind blowing through our hair drinking in the beauty of the world outside my prison.
I love dreams. I am always amazed at how creative our psyches are in our sleeping state. Yesterday I wrote of feeling completely stuck, feeling desperate and not wanting to live like this indefinitely, feeling the unfairness of the whole deal. And then poof… That dream. What interests me is that my psyche offered me a resolution, a means of escape in the form of my husband. My husband is Italian and it is therefore symbolically relevant that we escaped to Italy. Although my husband also suffers a lot of the feelings I do related to our infertility, his Catholic faith is very important to him and he therefore has faith that even if we don’t understand why this is happening to us, god does and god has a plan for us. This helps him to not feel as despairing as I do and it gives him a lot of hope. On the other hand I have never been religious in a mainstream sense although I am spiritual (but that’s a conversation for another day). The bottom line is that I think my dream was telling me to have more faith, even if I have to lean on my husbands faith for now. Thank you psyche, I will try my best. So today I am going to stop moping and take my beautiful dog for a walk in the sun whilst being grateful that my flexible job allows me to do this.